Next Steps

On Wednesday last week I met with my fertility doctor and I’ve gotta say, it was more frustrating than it was empowering. So much so, I think Leah and I are going to try to switch clinics.

We’re currently with a place called Genesis Fertility that has tons of locations in Brooklyn and Staten Island and while my doctor is pleasant enough, the care that we get every time we do an IUI, the dismissive tone of the billing department I’ve written about before, and my last visit makes us think that we should switch.

Here are my issues:

• When my insurance company denied my insurance I got a fairly hefty package explaining why I’m not infertile (no boy and girl sex). They noted that my diagnosis of fibroids wasn’t sufficient for pages and then on the back page it said that I could have my doctor do a “peer to peer” consultation with the insurance company’s doctor. I called the clinic, got a laugh from the billing department and she said, “they never reverse these”. I told her that her tone and her dismissive manor wasn’t appreciated and frankly quite rude and she made some B.S excuse that she had a cold. Since then the interactions with billing have been less than pleasant. Charges for storage when we aren’t storing sperm, random charges and whenever I call there is always a tone.
• When we initially found out that we’d have to pay out of pocket I asked if there was a payment plan that we could go on to help with the cost and she said, “It’s not that expensive of a procedure, ma’am.” To which I responded, “what’s expensive and what’s inexpensive is relative. “
• On my Wednesday visit I asked my doctor about going on Clomid and her response was, “We should make sure your fibroids aren’t blocking your fallopian tubes before we do that. But we’ll start doing blood work after your IUI to make sure your progesterone levels are sufficient.

What.The.Fuck.

Are you serious? Are you fucking serious!?

If my fibroids are blocking my fallopian tubes and we’ve spent nearly $5000 for to negatives and a possible ectopic pregnancy I’m seriously going to lose my marbles. AND if the fibroids are blocking my fallopian tubes insurance may have covered us to begin with!

Not to mention the fact that we think they’re doing the IUI at the wrong time. For our last two cycles we’ve been doing taking the Ovidrel trigger between 7-9PM (depending on when it gets delivered) and then going in the next two days at 9:15AM for our IUI. The more I research on Google (my friend, my foe) the more I’m reading that ovulation with Ovidrel generally takes 24-36 hours after the injection. If an egg lives between 12-24 hours after it’s released and frozen sperm lives on average only 6-24 hours it feels like we’re doing it wrong, no? Based on those calculations we should be going in the IUI on the second and third day after the trigger, not the first and second, no?

I am aware that fertility clinics are busy places and that they see countless couples and single women on a daily basis all trying to have a baby, but is it too much to ask that they have a little more compassion? That they think things through thoroughly for each patient? That they realize that no two women are exactly the same and that we don’t live and breath in the world of “perfect” 28 day cycles and day 14 ovulations?

I can’t help but wonder if it’s because we’re dykes or because I’m a black and Leah’s not. These are, perhaps, irrational thoughts but I can’t help them from going through my mind.

So we’re thinking about switching to Columbia Fertility Clinic, which we’ve heard is a really amazing clinic that has really great success rates for lesbians. The only problem is that to pay out of pocket there is going to be almost $500 more expensive a month than what we’re paying now. Of course, after I do the procedure to check my tubes in the next few days they could be wide open.

I need some help! Is this normal behavior at a fertility clinic? What’s have you other TTC mama’s experiences been like at clinics? If you’re in NYC, which clinic are you at?

Sending love and blessing and baby dust to all of you.

 

 

I’m Ovulating! I’m Ovulating! (I think)

Guess who took an ovulation test in her office this morning? This girl.

On my morning commute I had a dull cramping on my lower right side. It took me a while to realize it was midpain since this cycle has been really really bizarre.

…

Early in the month, at brunch with a friend in from LA, I instantly felt nauseous. I excused myself from the table thinking I just needed to use the restroom and instead almost passed out on the throne. I broke out into a cold sweat and literally had to hold the side bars to steady myself. Buttoning my pants felt like the worlds greatest feat and my stomach went into terrible somersaults. It felt like an alien was trying to be born through my stomach like in the movie Species.

I hobbled out of the bathroom and to the booth where I laid down. My partner and friend looked worried, Leah even commented that I looked pale. I mumbled apologies to them both and left in search of a cab. Keep in mind this is Brooklyn, not Manhattan and cabs aren’t always trolling the streets. I waited for about three minutes, which felt like three hours, as waves as nausea washed over me. I stumbled over a bike laying on the street (the guy was changing his tires-I’m pretty sure I dented his spokes). I apologized and tried not to barf on him. Finally across the street and at a car service I ordered a car. Dispatch told me it’d be 8 minutes. I groaned and fumbled for my wallet to get cash out of the adjacent ATM. When I tell you that entering my PIN was as difficult as figuring out a rubik cube I wouldn’t be exaggerating. The pain was that intense.

First Post Introductions

Why, hello there, blog world!

I feel a bit like Julie Powell in the movie Julie and Julia-is anyone going to read this? Does anyone care? Do I care if you care?

Unlike Julie Powell, I don’t think I’ll get a book deal followed by a movie option staring Meryl Streep simply because two Jewish lesbians are trying to get knocked up. I’m writing this blog to talk about it.

As two women living in Brooklyn you’d think we’d have a big support network of other lesbians trying to get pregnant and in some ways we do, but in many other ways we do not. We have lesbian friends who are new moms with toddlers and infants. We know another couple only a few months into their pregnancy, which is supposed to be a secret but the person who told us is clearly a lesbian who can’t keep a secret. We know two other lesbian couples with children-but none of these couples are women we’d consider our “good friends”and while I’ve extended invitations to these couples to come for Shabbat dinner and talk about baby making, they’re lives are busy with new babies. Our straight friends who are pregnant don’t understand and we’ve only told a select few of our close friends that we’ve moved beyond thinking about making a baby to officially talking about making a baby and frankly, I’m not sure if we’re that ready.

The list of items we’d like to have completed is quite long-we want to own a home, I would like to go into nursing, my partner is getting an advanced degree, do we want to stay in NYC forever…the list goes on and on.

 

But when you’re approaching your mid-thirties and every child that passes on the streets of New York gives cause to stop, crouch down and coo it’s time. When you look at your male Facebook friend’s photos critiquing their baby photos only to determine that they’re not the right guy to ask for his sperm it’s time. When you spend work hours scouring sperm banks and donor profiles it’s time. When you spend the hours after a dinner party discussing the gap between the teeth of the gay man you’ve only just met it’s time. So,yes, it’s time and no, we’re not really ready, but when are you ever?

So here we are, the first stages of trying to conceive or “TTC” in blogterms. I’ve been to the ob/gyn who believes I have fibroids. The next step is to get a sonogram of my uterus when I’m on my period, but unfortunately this hasn’t happened yet. The first time I got my period we were traveling and the second time…we were traveling.

In the meantime, I’ve purchased a basal body thermometer and at the urging of my ob/gyn and the select friends we’ve told I’m taking folic acid and prenatal vitamins. I’m trying to lose about 15-20 lbs to get me at a more ideal weight and…I’ve purchased a few books-The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians by Rachel Pepper is on my Nook and Labor of Love: A Midwife’s Memoir by Cara Muhlhan is on it’s way from Barnes and Noble.

Next step, something I’ll hopefully stop saying in a few months, waiting for my period.