Leah and I are still in the fun and exciting phase of TTC-the phase I like to call pre-TTC. That time when it’s still new and exciting and the possibilities seem endless and easy. Despite my fibroids (did I mention that my largest sits on my bladder?) diagnosis we’re feeling pretty confident. My sister is super fertile so hopefully I get her genes and everything will be easy breezy.
We have friends who have gotten pregnant (Due any minute) on their first time, friends who tried three times (Due in October) and friends who tried six times (Due in December). We hope to fall in that range and are praying that we’re the lucky couple who only tries once or twice. We know, however, that it’s simply not the case and while I often think of this is a lesbian problem, I’m often reminded that this can also be a problem that straight couples face.
I read the following article on Kveller in earnest with the realization that fertility woes can be a uniting issue for women across the spectrum. As lesbians we know this, but it’s true of many women no matter their race, ethnicity or sexual orientation.
After Years of Failed Fertility Treatments, A New Plan-By Leora Elman
We were incredibly lucky and our first IVF cycle worked. I got pregnant with twins–a boy and a girl. The perfect instant family. We even had four embryos frozen, waiting for us. Everything was finally working out. But after 22 weeks of a perfect twin pregnancy, disaster struck. Our babies were born too prematurely and died. We tried to get pregnant with the four embryos we had frozen, but none of them worked. We did another IVF cycle and I got pregnant again. I miscarried at 10 weeks.
When our next frozen embryo transfer cycle didn’t work, we started talking about adoption. My mother was adopted at birth, so the concept wasn’t foreign. After a lot of long talks and grieving the loss of the idea of having a baby who was half me and half him, we dove into pursuing adoption. And almost immediately hit road block after road block. International adoption? Start with a check for $50,000 but know that’s only part of the cost. Domestic adoption in Israel? Seven year waiting list (the minimum age to apply is 25, so we’ve been on the waiting list since my 25th birthday–only 5 or so years to go!). Everything we tried, we ran into problems…. and we tried everything.
In the meantime, we continued with the IVF. As crazy as it seems, the IVF was the easiest, fastest, cheapest way to have a baby. I got pregnant with a second set of twins–boys who we named Micha and Asaf. Despite constant monitoring, I delivered via C-section at only 24 weeks pregnant. Despite an excellent prognosis after a few days in the NICU, we lost both of our sons, just a few days apart. We tried again. I got pregnant again, and miscarried. We tried again. I got pregnant and we lost another baby boy in utero at 18 weeks. We tried again and I miscarried again.
That’s a total of 11 IVF cycles and six pregnancies. Still waiting, with empty arms. That’s insane. And exhausting.
Read the entire article here.
Let me just start by saying that I’m not a man-hating dyke. I actually am quite fond of many men in my life-mainly my father and some of my male co-workers. There are a few men who we hold so dearly that we wanted them to be donors for our child (B”H). There are, or course, other men who I’m not so fond of, men who put all of the rest in a bad light and make me angry, frustrated and annoyed. The men who unabashedly cat call and sexually harass on the streets of NYC, the men who’ve forgotten chivalry, the men who cannot conceptualize how a woman can get sexual pleasure or a child without a dick.
Two Immas 