yes, just like that Gloria Estefan song 🙂
I finally got a call from my doctor today, three days and four phone calls later. I have realized a few things:
1-Ultrasound techs (and the internet) can make you crazy
2-NYC doctors are busy
3-I really want a midwife
4-The power of diet, exercise and relaxation.
When I got the ultrasound the tech was sort of nonchalant, yet matter-of-fact … while remaining incredibly unhelpful. She simply told me that I had “lots” of “large” fibroids and that my uterus was “misshapen” but wasn’t able to tell me what any of it meant.
Was my desire to have a natural pregnancy and birth a mere dream? How many is lots? How large is large? WHY WON’T YOU GIVE ME ANSWERS!?
Oh yeah, because you’re not the doctor.
I called my doctor on Wednesday twice then on Thursday (twice) anxiously waiting for her phone call. I peed and pooped with my cell phone in my hand (lots of antibacterial gel used this week) worried that I’d miss her call. I went into meetings at the office with my cell phone on, checking it every minute or so worried I’d missed the call that came this morning.
While waiting for her call I spent my time on the internet finding as much information as possible about fibroids and how they can effect pregnancy. I was relieved to read that for the large majority of women fibroids have no ill-effect on getting pregnant or giving birth (though miscarriage and pre-term birth rates are slightly elevated). When I Googled things like “fibroids and food“, “holistic fibroid management“, or “natural fibroid care” I felt more relieved and hopeful that I could manage my fibroids without surgery, which is the common treatment for fibroids when you simply Google “fibroid treatment”.
At first it felt like a lot of cannots-I cannot have red met, I cannot have soy, I cannot drink alcohol, I cannot have milk or cheese. I cannot have a natural birth, I cannot give birth at home, I cannot have a midwife…then I remembered that the awesome power the mind can have over the body, a realization I found to be the most amazing and most awesome force in Ina May Gaskin’s books on natural child birth. I can’t think of the cannots, I have to focus on the cans and they all help make my body ready for baby.
Speaking to my doctor today confirmed fibroids, though I only have three-which I think is far from “a lot”. Two are located outside of my uterus, one sort of on the front and the other near the back. They’re both approximately 6cm, about the size of a small lemon or lime. The third is located in my uterus and I have decided, after speaking with her about my options, that having that one removed would be best. Her concern is that the fibroid occupies space in the uterus, which could give problems for an embryo trying to implant as well as possible growth restriction for a baby. I have to get one more test during my next cycle and hopefully can schedule the out-patient procedure in the next few months. The outer fibroids aren’t a concern for her and she doesn’t think surgery is necessary for them, which makes me happy. I’m glad to be able to “manage” them in a holistic way and am trying to do everything to eat properly and get enough exercise. I’ve been re-thinking a lot of things-first and foremost my job which has become increasingly stressful because stress and fibroids do not mix. Of course, thinking about finding a new job is also stressful so finding ways to manage stress is top on my list of priorities. The food and exercise will take time, I’m sure. For now, I’m feeling incredibly blessed, grounded and grateful that the fibroids I thought were surely a giant ocean to swim across is just a little puddle to hop over.
Blessings and Love to all of you Immas and Immas-to-be out there!