Last month I wrote about my frustration with the portrayal of lesbian conception on the L-Word. In case you’re a dyke who never watched the L Word (what’s wrong with you!?)or just someone who didn’t watch the show, it went a little something like this:
Tina and Bette decide to have a baby.
Tina and Bette immediately find sperm from a donor who’s “using color more” in his paintings.
Tina and Bette get sperm analyzed and the smart, artist’s sperm don’t swim for shit.
Bette finds the perfect sperm-Marcus Allenwood, he’s black. Tina freaks out and sits in the Planet to sulk.
Bette and Tina use Marcus’ jizz and voila! They’re pregnant.
Tina miscarries and it’s fucking horrible.
Tina inseminates again without Bette because Bette “can’t handle another miscarriage”
Season 2 opens with Bette banging Carmen and Tina about 6 months pregnant. Ta-da! She got pregnant on the second try!
While it’s great to see a couple of dykes and their adorable (really adorable) multiracial baby on mainstream television, it’s not exactly an accurate portrayal of the ups and downs that women go through when TTC. Enter Charlotte York
Charlotte finally decides she’s going to get married.
Charlotte meets Trey McDougal when she falls in front of his cab.
They fall madly in love, kind of.
Charlotte proposes to Trey and freaks out because he didn’t get down on one knee.
Trey takes Charlotte to Tiffany on 5th Ave to buy her a pretty (giant) ring.
Trey can’t get it up, but they get married anyway and never have sex.
Trey and Charlotte break up and then get back together and then get on the same page about having babies.
They have a lot of sex.
Charlotte gets her period (again) when Miranda gets accidentally pregnant because Steve only has one ball and she’s got a lazy ovary, how can it work!? It does and she needs to dish, she spills and Charlotte storms off so they can have the “abortion talk”. Of course Miranda keeps the baby and all is well with the ladies.
Charlotte calls for fertility help and after testing Trey’s sperm they discover that Charlotte’s vagina is attacking the sperm (which doesn’t seem like an infertility issue to me, but whateves.) Stay with me.
They keep trying and it doesn’t work. They divorce because Charlotte wants a baby and Trey doesn’t.
A few seasons later she falls in love with her divorce attorney, Harry Goldenblatt.
Charlotte converts to Judaism because Harry understands that children don’t have to be biological to be yours.
Charlotte and Harry go through rounds of IVF, lots of acupuncture, lots of sex. Her embryos are never viable. She starts running more and adopts a cute dog she names Elizabeth Taylor.
Charlotte gets pregnant!
Charlotte loses the baby and it’s horrible and probably the best acting the Kristen Davis does on the series.
Charlotte and Harry start the adoption process and meet a great couple who end up deciding to keep their child. Harry is crushed, Charlotte has somehow found some serious strength.
The series ends with a picture of a beautiful Chinese girl, Lilly, their new daughter.
In the second movie Charlotte gets pregnant and gives birth to a little girl they name Rose, after Harry’s bubbe.
It takes Charlotte TEN YEARS to give birth. TEN YEARS! I know that SATC and the L-Word are shows, but there is some truth in Charlotte’s struggle.
I pray to G-d that it doesn’t take us (or you and your family) ten years to get pregnant, but the truth of the matter is that couples, gay and straight, go through months and sometimes years TTC. It’s heart breaking, devastating, frustrating, infuriating, and incredibly hard on a relationship. And it seems that when you’re TTC everyone around you is able to get pregnant and you start to believe that getting pregnant is easy.
I found out this weekend that some friends of ours (not good friends, mind you) are in their 5th IUI cycle, our closer friends are taking a break after 4 failed IUIs and couple is starting the process on the DL in the next two cycles. This is what TTC looks like for most women. Of course, there are a few of you out there who got pregnant on the first try and all I can only say, WOW! For the rest of us, it’s a long process that can be really tough.
I have an appointment at another clinic today to check out other options and have reached out to some CNM who do IUIs. Fingers crossed that Third Time is a charm for us.
Sending you all lots of love, strength, prayers and of course baby dust!