PBD Stalking

PBD-Potential Baby Daddy: A guy who obviously won’t be a “daddy” because we’re dykes, but who non-the-less, you find attractive enough to consider as a potential donor.

Stalking-As it relates the the aforementioned PBD, an unhealthy and slightly fanatic infatuation with a man who you find attractive enough to be your potential donor.

I have a crush. On a man. For the first time in over ten years.

Of course, this crush has nothing to do with a sexual attraction. I don’t imagine him naked, I don’t imagine much of anything about him other than what our combined genetics might do. He’s tall, dark and not really conventionally handsome, but his dark skin, large brown eyes and mop of curly brown hair are what I find attractive. We work together, or more accurately, he works for me which makes any sort of pursing of this PBD completely off limits.

Yet, because we are in a bit of TTC limbo trying to figure out if we’re going to use an RE and pay out of pocket or if we’re going to use a Midwife and do IUIs at home it gives me time to see what’s out there, quite literally.

We’ve been in Seattle for exactly one month and in that time we’ve done what most people new to a city do; we’re trying to get our bearings, we’re learning where to shop for groceries, we’re figuring out where the best coffee shops are, we’re trying to furnish our apartment. Making a baby has, without a doubt, taken a slight back seat. And if I’m being honest, it’s kind of a relief.  We’re not yo-yoing between the TWW and inseminations, my bouts of crying are to do with the move and not to do with doubting my body. While I’ve added some of my favorite vices back to my diet; specifically wine and coffee, I have lost a dress size which will hopefully help with the baby making process.

So we wait, I guess. We haven’t found an RE or midwife, and because of my schedule and Leah’s commute I’m actually not sure when we’d have time to even meet with one. As much as it makes me a bit sad, I think that getting settled into our new home and our new city will be best for TTC.